Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in uptooknowgood's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, August 16th, 2008
6:22 am	Knew the good news couldn't last Contacted several repair shops in Indianapolis this week asking about the Lincoln Tech that I was planning on attending this fall. Five shops told me not to even bother. They will NOT hire anyone that had attended that school. They have hired people from there before and they have had nothing but bad luck with them. I guess in the back of my mind I was questionable about the school but I thought maybe it was just nerves, until recently I never stopped to think about asking around about the school. That's terrible, spend a year at school, have a student loan of 30k and no one will even hire your if you went there. A little disappointing but better to know now than later. I was still pretty excited about moving with a friend, and there are other schools that a few of the shops suggested within a short distance of where my friend lives. However, there had to be a catch or something to change things yet again. My friend told me this week she is going to try and get out of her lease if she can. Thinks 1700 sq ft is a lot of space for two people and $375.00 a month is still to much. Then she goes on by saying  "How would you feel if I started seeing someone while you were here?" True, I would be hopeful that something might happen, but why bring this up now? First you offer the roommate option to me, and say keep me updated now changing you mind. $375.00 For rent, and utilities. For a 1700 sq ft 3 bedroom place. I can't find a studio apartment for 375. That's what dropped the bomb on me this week. I can see if she wants a cheaper place cause she's got bills, and most likely she's nervous or scared, if things didn't happen between us so be it, can still be friends, I don't care if she would date someone, just don't rub it in my face is all I ask. Back to square one, in a long time I finally felt like I was getting ahead and getting things worked out. Now, I have no idea what to do. Current Mood: disappointed (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
5:41 am	Struggling a bit but keeping head up Disspite how my other post sounded, I'm doing alright for the most part.  So close to moving, just need a few more things to come together. Have 2 apartments I'm interested in, all set to start school, just need to find a temp job around here to save up a few bucks, then try and find a place in Indianapolis to work. Bad part, so many factories have been laying off people or closing, jobs are VERY hard to find right now. I really want to move, but if I could, I rather not go to school, wish I could find a job at a marina and learn from them. I have talked to a place in the Indy area, but not looking for help, and they will be closing in a few months. It's not that I'm saying school would be bad, it would open many doors, just if I could get training and be paid for it, and not have $30,000's in student loans to pay back, that would be excellent! Can't believe turning 30 in a little over two weeks. Yikes! Really need to start getting my ass in gear. But hopeful things will start turning around. Not depressed or taking it personal what my friend said bout her boyfriends and what she's looking for, just made me look at myself a bit more. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
2:03 am	Harsh look in the mirror Talked to my friend in Indianapolis today (the girl I'm frequently talking about) She's been having troubles with her boyfriend for a while and was telling me about last night, so I was an ear for her to vent to which we do to each other a lot. After a while she started talking about past boyfriends, and just out of the blue said.. "I wish I could just find a guy who can take care of himself, can keep a job, and stable in the head. but I tend to keep finding these losers" Trying to comfort her by saying shit happens, takes a long time find the right person, but don't blame yourself, it's there loss. After she said that though, it really sank in, I'm knocking these guys, but at the same time, I'm kind of in the same category.  I have panic attacks, have had more jobs than I'd like to admit to, still looking actually, and I can hardly take care of myself right now.  I think when she said, 'Why do I find these losers," that really hit me, cause she said hi to me on myspace. I don't have the heart, or just scared to tell her those parts of my past, tell each other just about everything but I'm not bringing that up.  Most people you don't care what they think or say about you, but there are a select few you value their opinions about you. I can say I wouldn't treat someone like her past few boyfriends, cheating, rather play video games then spend time together. So I do think I am better than them in many ways, but when she was talking about some of that stuff, that almost scared me.  Not saying anything would ever happen, true I am hopeful.. But I don't want to loose what respect from her that I have. Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 29th, 2008
6:45 am	My friend I may or may not have posted links to my friends pictures so posting them again.. I just think she is beautiful. http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=18401016&albumID=262654&imageID=986554 http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=18401016&albumID=262654&imageID=784436 (Comment on this)
6:02 am	Odd way not to care as much Everyone knows about my friend in Indianapolis that I have talked to for about 3 years now, mention her a lot, and how much I like her. After two years her and her Fiance' are breaking up. I'm not happy that it happened but glad she was leaving him cause he ws nuts and not treating her well. So on that part everyone can agree with me on that. So after 2 years I was starting to think "Maybe?" Talk practically everyday and she said before if I wasn't so far away we'd hang out and you'd never know.. So I was ecstatic, even more focused than before on moving.  Then,  heart sank a bit again. In May during the break up (she's moved out now) she started talking to an old boyfriend and they have since started hanging out more. As you can imagine this was a pretty good let down, so I started doing something odd but I really shouldn't do it. I started looking for faults and flaws so I wouldn't care as much. Messed up I know. I'm just thinking, after dating and being engaged to someone for 2 1/2 years wouldn't you want to take even a small break? Or is that just me? I try not to care so much, but as I've said many times, it's just so rare to meet someone who gets you and you don't have to walk on eggshells when talking to them. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 25th, 2008
12:48 am	Writer's Block: Lame jobs What's the worst job you've ever had? View 500 Answers Worked in a plastics molding company during the summer, worked on machines that got up to around 800 degrees and the place didn't have AC. Lost several pounds each day,  (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2008
11:47 pm	A little better A small update since my last post. I've been able to calm down and take a breather. The last month has been rougher than usual. Been shot down by several jobs, 5 in one week, bills piling up with no money coming in, lack of sleep-just haven't been able to stay asleep with things on my mind, and as selfish as it sounds, I've been so jealous of several of my friends.  They are doing well, careers are kicking off, and getting married, while I'm try'n and getting nowhere. I hope the best for my friends, and I'm glad they are doing well and etc. Just wish something would turn around for me. Then when I got the message from my friend saying she's moving into a new apartment, getting a new car and started seeing an old flame.. That just pushed me over the edge.  I am glad things are going well for her, the last several months have been tough for her and it's good she's seeing someone who treats her right. She's practically one of my best friends, and I was the first to know that she's seeing this other guy, even before her friends she sees everyday.  Maybe I read to much into our "relationship"  I dunno. Just nice not having to walk on eggshells when you talk to someone and they get you. Ok the fact that she's beautiful helps out too.. Had a few days to calm down, and collect myself.  And realize maybe it's for the better. She's on cloud 9 and happier than she has been in a long time, and I'm not near the Indianapolis area, so the jealousy thing will linger for a while cause I think she's just the coolest, (ok 2nd coolest ELB still my top coolest ;)  but I'll just do as I always do, bite my lip and give her my best opinion as I can, for some reason she values my opinion. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
12:30 pm	Why does life have to be so hard? Latley life has been so mentally draining, I'm literally falling apart here. In the last month I have put in 10 job applications, either been denied or they said they will keep it on file. I have 2 credit cards and a small personal loan that I can't pay for, I have nothing in my bank account or savings, and when I say nothing I mean just that NOTHING. Gas is so expensive I can't go driving around looking for work, and no one advertises much anymore. All my friends are moving on with their lives,  which I am happy for them don't get me wrong, I just wish I could get out of this rut. Today was especially draining. A friend of mine that I've talked to for 3+ years, that I really like, left me a message. She was finally going to leave her boyfriend, that has been a real jerk and really mistreated her and now she's finally leaving him. She's getting a new apartment, got approved for a new car, job is going great. Which is all good, fantastic very happy for her. Then comes the crushing blow. She's been talking to a friend that she dated a few years ago, they have been hanging out again and things are going pretty well for them. That honestly hurt. Thing is she's asking my opinion if I think it's bad that she's seeing this other guy, and she values my opinion, so I can't say what I really want to. We've talked for so long, tried to meet a few times but schedule conflicts got in the way, only lives 3 hours away and around the area I have been trying to move to. It's bad to say but when she said several months ago that she was leaving this guy, I thought hey, who knows. Not saying anything would have happened but never know. She gets me. don't have to walk on egg shells, can talk about whatever, and just an all around awesome person. Perhaps a bad way to put it, but also a nice distraction to all the shit going on around me. The constant let downs and such, but talking to her everything goes away. Still going to chat and be friends of course. But when she asks for your opinion, it's like sticking your hand in a pan for boiling oil and smiling saying it tickles. You want to say one thing, but you smile and forgo your feelings. Worse of all being mentally drained, also shows physically. Lack of energy, weight gain. I'm at my heaviest I have ever been. I don't want to be around people, don't want to talk. Just a mess and I don't know how to do a 180 and get out of this situation. Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
12:20 pm	Falling apart These last 2 months have been extra tough. So stressed out I can't sleep at night, so I sleep most of the day, try to avoid people cause the slightest thing has been setting me off and I just can't bite my tongue anymore.  Lost my appetite, but then when I do get hungry I overeat, noticed my hair getting thinner. Two of my friends found the jobs of their dreams. spent less than a week looking for them and they got their foot in the door. I want to be happy for them but I can't. I've tried for close to 3 years for the job of my dreams and doors slammed shut in my face. Buddy tried to say "When one door closes another opens" or "Everything happens for a reason" I told him to F**K off!  Try to put in job applications but no one is really looking and I'm not "Trained" for the majority of jobs around here, and I can't afford to go driving around looking with gas at almost $3.50 a gallon.  Next month my registration expires for the school in Indianapolis. I can re-new it for $25.00 which I'm going to do but I keep asking myself "when do you say that's it?" Some dreams are just that. DREAMS  when you find work just stay with it, keep that crappy job where Monday morning you want to blow your damn brains out, and on Friday you can't run fast enough out the door. Think the worst part is everyone acting like it's so easy. "All you have to do is find work and in just a few months you'll have money to do what you want" and Etc. It's like they assume I haven't been trying to find work. Oh yeah, I LOVE being broke it's so much fun! Biggest thing is I'm upset with myself for not being happy for my friends, terrible when the thought crosses your mind wishing they don't get it. That's not me. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 20th, 2008
12:26 am	This is ridiculous  Here we go again. It's crazy but I have a hard time getting someone out of my head. Granted we email or text several times a day so it doesn't make it very easy to do that, don't really want to though either.. I don't know what brought it on but now we started "Revealing " more things bout ourselves.  Finding out some very interesting things. Guess I just like the fact I can say whatever and don't have to walk on eggshells when we talk. Part that I really enjoy she keeps me occupied and I don't dwell on not being able to move to Indianapolis right now for school. Although I tend to think I would be nice that way we could hang out more, but she's pretty busy now trying to get a career going so she wouldn't have a whole lot of free time so works out. Talking for two and a half almost three years, never met but she's a better friend than some of my friends that I grew up with.  Who knows.. Current Mood: good Current Music: Tantric-Mourning (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
1:28 pm	YIKES!! I know I have been kinda stressed about different things and not in the best of physical shape, but I didn't know I was that bad! I was in the bathroom today and figured what the hell I'll weigh myself, hadn't done it for a while so what the hey. I average around 210-215 depending on the time of the year. I weighed myself, and I had to check and re-check it 3 times. I am at 225lbs! I have NEVER weighed that much! I knew my face was looking more round, and my pants seemed more snug, but I never would have imagined that much! Granted that doesn't help my stress level any, just adds to it. I knew I was eating more, but again, never would have guessed it was that bad. Just a mixture of everything. I can't sleep at night, and when I finally do I am out for 12-14 hours. Not having any luck finding a job, paper doesn't help much and with gas at $3.50 I can't just go driving around looking. Everyone seems to enjoy reminding me of how broke or in debt I am, and what tops it off too, the school I'm trying to get into keeps calling me and asking when do I plan to start. I've told the school many times," just things haven't worked the way I have wanted them too, but as soon as I get something going I'll call." Last time they called I got a bit aggravated with them and said "I'll call you when I get things in order, things haven't changed in the last week so quit calling me" It was someone else not the person that has been helping me out that I yelled at thankfully, but I did call back to apologize.  But that's what I mean, I'm just falling apart. Thankfully I haven't met my friend that lives in the Indianapolis area yet, I don't want her to see me this round, out of shape big time and stressed. Talk about unattractive!  Thankfully spring is coming get outside and relive some of this stress. No wonder my heart has been feeling funny, good thing I haven't tried those blood pressure test things they have at the store machine might blow up. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Friday, February 15th, 2008
11:53 pm	Rebound, or stay the course? OK, here's the deal... Got this friend I've talked to for about 3 years now or close to that. Very easy person to talk to and we talk almost everyday, whether it's Text message or email. Talked on the phone many times too. All round awesome person.  A little over a year ago she got engaged, sucked yes but she's still my friend. Things had been going rough and things have gone down hill and she's moving out. We still talk and joke, like was always have but lately her tone has changed a little. Nothing bad, but showing a little more interest in me to put it best.  Which isn't such a bad thing, but I don't want to be a rebound. She lives close to the area I hope to be moving to before or around this summer, she thinks it's awesome that I want to be a marine Mechanic, can talk about anything to her, just an all aorund awesome person! Did I mention she's a redhead and she's beautiful? =)  And a very fiesty attitude.  Here.. Take a peek. http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=18401016&albumID=0&imageID=784436 http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=18401016&albumID=0&imageID=4740698 http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=18401016&albumID=0&imageID=986554 See what I mean? I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but at the same time, yeah I would like to pursue or see what happens.  But at the same time I don't want to rush anything either, granted I won't be moving soon but hopefully in a few months. Just looking for some opinions I guess. Just keep doing what I have or go for it? Current Mood: chipper (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
2:56 am	Happy Holidays How was every ones Thanksgiving? Good I hope. Mine was great. I thought it was just going to be my parents and I but we were invited to my brother in laws Uncles house, and everyone was there. 15 or so people, lots of food and of course got to see my niece whom I adore. Last few years it's just been a few of us, when I was younger just about all my aunts, uncles and grandparents went to my Grandmas and Grandpas house for dinner,  lots of us. So this year kind of made it feel Right again. Just one thing slightly brought me down, and I do mean slightly cause I did have a very good time.. Everyone has someone there. All couples, and of course brother in laws Mom asked "so when are you going to meet someone?" I'd like to know that too. lol   It's not a big issue but this time of season sucks to be single.  Worst part is when you think of someone a lot, never met them, but have talked to them for a long time, almost everyday and you can't say anything cause they are unsure how things are going to go with someone they are engaged too. Guess it's just one of those things to try not to think about it, keep being their friend and hope things work out for them, which ever way it goes long as they are happy. I am looking forward to the Holidays, wish I could find work so I can afford to get some things this year, just not many openings around here.  Looking forward to the new year, hopping it will bring new new possibilities and start making so progress. So Happy Holidays Early Everyone! Current Mood: mellow (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 1st, 2007
5:30 am	Conflict of Interests How do you tell someone that you really like,  to give another guy a second chance and keep your thoughts to yourself?  Started talking to a friend that found me on Myspace almost 2 years ago now, we talk practically everyday, and have talked on the phone many times too. She lives not far from the area I hope to be moving to in the near future too. She had started seeing this guy a while back, but we continued to talk. Then last winter she tells me she was engaged. By this point I'm thinking good for her, sucks for me. Happy for my friend that she's happy. At the start of spring and through the summer she was telling me that things are going kinda rough, differences in opinions and views on different things, and how he basically didn't want to do anything with her. She gave him warning if things don't change she's gonna leave him and she was looking into new places to move and what not. Two weeks ago I get a message that they agreed that it was over. I did feel sorry for her, but a little glad because she was always  down when she talked about him and maybe be a new start for her. And to be honest, in the back of my head I sorta thought. "maybe there still might be a chance after all" Then the start of this week, I get a message saying that they might try and work it out. He's treating her the way he did when they first started dating, but she isn't sure. what if he goes back to the way he was. etc.  Here is where the Conflict comes in.She asks me what do I think?  I truly like this person, she's beautiful, creative, career driven, we have a lot of the same likes, she doesn't mind my stupid jokes. and I can be myself talking to her. We have tried to meet several times, but schedules wouldn't allow it. I've told her that I was very jealous when I saw that she was in a relationship and he's a very lucky guy. and I regretted not meeting up earlier. So she knows I like her. I thought about her question, and all I could say was. " If he'll change to keep you around, and knowing that if he goes back to the way he was that you'll leave in a heart beat. perhaps it's worth trying for" "But if he does go back, don't even hesitate or give him warings like before just leave" That was so hard to do. How do you bottle up or push your own thoughts aside? Is it better to be the friend, and want your friends to be happy over your own self interest? Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
12:19 am	Be Your Self Talking to a buddy of mine last night, and he's going on and on about all the things he is going to do to change his appearance. He lost some weight, which is great, happy for him on that. But now he's talking bout getting a bunch of fake piercings, growing a thicker Goatee, Changing his whole wardrobe, checking out difference Art, Spray on tanning (He's a redhead and very pale) No he's not gay. It's great he wants to improve himself, but if that's what it takes to pick up women or impress them, Screw that shit. Yeah I need to drop some weight, and a different haircut wouldn't hurt. But if I have to change my whole wardrobe just to impress people. Those aren't the kind of people I want to be around in the first place. I'm a jeans and tee shirt guy. khakis if If I'm going somewhere nice. But changing everything about yourself just to impress people is crazy. Oh well, that's my 2 cents Current Mood: nerdy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
6:28 am	Slowly loosing steam When I was approved for a small personal loan I was so pumped! Felt like a train running full steam. But as always some roadblocks got in the way and quickly slowing me down. My Goal was to be moved to Indianapolis by the end of September. But that's just not going to happen. Worst part, the loan I got is going really fast! I'm down to not a lot left. Basically enough to cover the security deposit and get things turned on. I've been putting in job applications left and right for Indy, so far 5 places have turned me down. I was there for 2 days and put in applications, had a few interviews, thought they went really well, but got letters in the mail this week saying thanks but no thanks. I can't really go back and fourth to Indy to put in applications, as I said, Money is getting really tight at the moment. I'm really starting to wonder if this whole Indy thing is even a good idea anymore. I've been looking for work around here just so I don't run out of money and can pay my loan back. If things don't improve by the holidays, I'm really going to start wondering if this is even worth it anymore. A person can only take so many let downs. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 18th, 2007
4:51 am	Happy Birthday to me! Well this Birthday is starting out pretty good! Found out this week that I was approved for a loan. Needed the loan to get things in motion for moving to Indianapolis. Plans are to begin in October. Right now I need to find a place to live and a job, that's mainly what the loan is for, to take care of some bills till I can start getting some income working in Indy. It's taken a very long time but for once it feels like I am finally heading in the right direction. Nervous but it's more or an excited nervous. Biggest worry is will I find a good enough job to cover my expenses while I go to school too. But I have until October to worry about that, hopefully be moving by the middle of September. Pretty excited! Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 26th, 2007
5:23 am	Sometimes you have to stand your ground... Ok, tonight I thought for sure I was going to die. Went to a buddies house and we went to a small bar down the road from him. The bar was a pretty rough place at one time, lots of rednecks and cops were there all the time. It was closed and under new management and things were good. So we go in have some drinks just talking and the one guy that worked there I worked with a long time ago. Keep in mind he is African-american. So we were talking what's new and all that. 2 more guys come in, friends of his, African-american as well. So we are all just talking and 20 minutes later this group of guys come walking in and I just knew this would go bad. 7 guys, all walked in, Swastikas all over, KKK tattooed on their arms and shaved heads. Right away they start ragging on the two guys, then when they saw the guy I knew, that he worked their, they started in on him to. Saying things like "get me a drink slave" and using the "N" word constantly. The 3 guys kinda banded together as the other guys started getting a little rougher. Not even thinking my one buddy called the cops, and we went and stood with the other 3 guys. 5 of us against 7 psychos. Few of them drew knives I grabbed a pool cue and some pool balls. All I could find on such short notice. Thinking for sure I was either going to die, or this is REALLY REALLY going to hurt! They started approaching us, then the guy I knew ducked behind the counter and pulled out THE LARGEST rifle I have ever seen! This thing was a damn cannon! Double barrel pump action. The Head dude said "what are you going to do with that "N"?" He said and I quote " I'm going to blow your white ass away.." The guy just kind of laughed, took a step forward and my friend, took a shot. Blew a hold in the floor RIGHT in front of the guys foot, his toes were dangling over the hole. This was a HOLE! You could stick a basketball easily in this hole. friend pumped the gun, said 'Next one will be in your racist head "Bitch", it was hard not smile a little. Dude looked like he had or was going to piss his pants, so did the other guys. By then the cops finally showed up after what seemed like forever, buddy called his brother who is a cop, and they took the group away. I had never been so scared in my life, but there is only so much I will tolerate in other people. I hate the 'N" word for one, people who think they are superior to others because of skin color is another thing that bugs me. The one friend was a Mechanical Engineer, the other was working in Cancer research. The one guy in the group I had gone to school with, last I had heard he was on probation for trying to steal an ATM machine. He thinks he's superior to the other two guys?? Anyways.. The guys couldn't believe what we had done, and neither had we in a way. So they bought us a round and took us out to eat. Sometimes you just have to take a stand, and stand your ground. And hope it won't hurt to much.. Current Mood: Couragous (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 5th, 2007
12:47 am	Pictures I have been taking pictures of the bypass in the early morning and at night. Check them out if you want, turned out pretty cool. http://s9.photobucket.com/albums/a100/Uptooknowgood/May%2007/ Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Friday, April 13th, 2007
6:10 am	Mad Scientist Strikes again! Last weekend friends of my parents came over for a while, talking with them they eventually asked what I was up to, told them I was thinking bout the school in Indy and wanting to become a marine mechanic. Jack (parents friend)  was having troubles with his boat and asked if I would be interested in taking a look at it? I said sure what the hell, then Monday I went over to check it out. DUDE now this is a BOAT! That thing could decimate almost anything on that river. He got it from a friend who couldn't afford it anymore, but the motor wouldn't start and he was having electrical problems too. He asked the local marina and they said it would cost around $2,000.00 to fix it! He was like screw that! So I started looking at it, starter motor was bad, so went down to the auto parts store got a new one, fired right up but was still acting really funny. I asked if he mined if I poked around he said sure. Changed the spark plugs, new spark plug wires, cleaned the rust off all the electrical connections, charged the battery over night. Went back on Wednesday, I think he was more anxious then I was, I gave him the keys said give it a shot, and that thing came alive like a Lion that just got kicked in the balls!  You talk about a beautiful sound. It was cold out but he asked if I wanted to take it out for a spin. I couldn't contain myself I said hell yeah! Froze my ass off but it was worth it! The waster was like glass, and that thing just flew. Got back and he asked what's my fee? Being a friend I said don't worry about it. They bought the parts and everything came out to around $200.00's I did it for fun and something to do. He kept insisting he pay me something so I said ok $100.00's. I was just kidding but they gave me $200.00! And they wouldn't take it back. Yes I need the money but they are friends and I enjoyed doing it. I might get more work since they live on the river by lots of people they told me they will spread my name around. Not holding my breath, but who knows... Current Mood: good (Comment on this)